Extreme Knives

(Extremely low voice)

SOMEWHAT BETTER THAN REGULAR KNIVES!!!

GRAAHHHRAAAGG!!!!

And now to Admiral Danial Days, to talk about dental hygiene.

~~~~~~~~~~

Days: Soldiers!! Attention!

Soldiers: Yes sir! Admiral Danial Days, sir!

Days: That's Admiral Danial Hungry Days to you, soldiers!!

Soldier: ...Are you hungry sir?

Days: Yes, in fact I am!

Soldier: ..........would you like a sandwich or

Days: My name is a palindrome!!

Soldier: ...

Days: Now we just got a letter talking about dental- HOLY F***! A duck the size of a small loaf of bread! ...

Soldier: How long has it been since you last ate, sir?

Days: I haven't slept a wink in 49 days. They used to call me Admiral Danial "Stayed awake for 48 days" Days.

Soldier: But now they don't

Days: No, they can't anymore.

Soldier: I'm sorry sir.

Days: I'm sorry too, it's times like this where I feel so insignificant and unable to grasp hold of life's perilous reins to say I've made it, no one can stop me say this is somehow what the feeling like you trudge down and true your way through the hard and bristly under...

Soldier: You went off into a sentence fragment there, sir.

Days: DENTAL HYGIENE. It's more than improtant, it's a way of life.

Soldier: What?

*alarm goes off*

Days: It's that time of the week again! *takes out a bottle of pills and takes a swig*

Soldier: ...

Days: I'm sorry, but I'm just extremely high right now.

Soldier: No, you aren't sir.

Days: *holding a joint* Yes, I am. I was that second you weren't looking.

*alarm goes off*

Days: It's that time of the week again! *takes out pill bottle and throws them over his shoulder* I've decided to quit cold turkey. Ham and baloney with a mayonnaise glaze. Smothered in my mother's home-made sauce of tomato paste and 5 pepper blend.

Soldier: How are you even an admiral?

Days: I slit a Vietcong's stomach with my bare hands and stuffed his intestines down his esophagus until he died of asphyxiation.

Soldier: That's awful

Days: I also baked five cakes and killed a brigade of diabetic Nazis.

Soldier: ...How old are you?

*alarm goes off*