IQ foo yoo...'r brain

Andrew: Now we present the long awaited episode where Andrew goes off and buys inanimate objects impossible to actually purchase in the real world but that's okay

Store clerk: That'll be $19.87, sir. Will that be cash or credit?

Andrew: Surprise me.

Clerk: Alright, it's the IQ FOO YOO 3000 and 50,000X PLUS SILVER COLLECTOR'S EDITION

Andrew: That is surprising.

Clerk: If you get the questions right, 5 million of your closest friends and their respective mamas will be sent to Disney World.

Andrew: DISNEY WORLD?!

Clerk: That's right! (clicks the button)

IQ: Welcome to the IQFY3K+50K+S Collector's edition. We will begin the test...................................................................................now. Up,

Andrew: Down

IQ: Up

Andrew: Down

IQ: 5 times 5

Andrew: 25

IQ: Capital of Delaware?

Andrew: Dover

IQ: A ton in pounds rounded to the 3rd decimal point

Andrew: 2,204.623

IQ: 5th decimal point

Andrew: 2,204.62262

IQ: If A=23 and B=2, how much does C equal?

Andrew: 6.210045086

IQ: You're bluffing

Andrew: How would you know?

IQ: I don't

Andrew: Exactly

IQ: LAST QUESTION: How many piles of corn can fit in a hole 6 ft by 6 ft by 8 ft if all ears of corn are 1ft by .2 ft by .256 ft approximately and there are 4 ears of corn to each pile?

Andrew: 3

IQ: Wrong! It's a hole!

Andrew: NOOOOOO!!!!!

I can't stand having such a low attention span but not low enough to be prescribed medicine to for by a doctor and things

1...2.......3

What are you doing?

I'm naming each of my oranges.

Well you should feel ashamed of how generally ugly you are in every humanely possible way and shape in this dimension and every other dimension remotely parallel and relevant to what I'm talking about right now

Now don't get me angry or I'll have to ring up Mr. Facepusher.

Johnson Facepusher? Oh, is he the one in resources?

No, he pushes faces, what an incredibly idiotic assumption.

WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?!!?

Oh no, no, no...not does...

RAIN!!!

So I decided to go for a walk.

and then KABOOM

RAIN STARTED FALLING LIKE NOAH HAD HIS BAGS READY AND PACKED AND THEN THE

KABOOOMMM

THUNDER AND LIGHTENING LIT UP THE SKY LIKE THE WORLD HAD FINALLY COME TO AN END BECAUSE FIRE AND WATER HAD ACTUALLY FUSED TOGETHER AND BECAME THE SAME THING AND I WAS RUNNING FOR MY LIFE BLINDLY IN THE WRONG DIRECTION FOR 5 MINUTES BEFORE I REALIZED I RAN ALL THE WAY TO THE SCHOOL

SO I WAS RUNNING BACK WITH ALL MY MIGHT, MY CLOTHES JUST SOAKING UP THE WATER LIKE IT WAS THE LAST SUPPER COMBINED WITH THE ULTIMATE FREESTYLE WATERGUN FIGHT SHOWDOWN ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET AND JESUS JUST JUMPED ON THE TABLE AND WAS LIKE

"SLOOOOOOOOW DOOOOOOOWN"

AND EVERYONE WAS LIKE

"NO F***ING WAY" AND JUST KEPT ON PELTING EACH OTHER WITH ICY COLD WATER BLASTING POWER AND THE HOUSES I RAN PAST WERE ALL LIKE

"WHO THE f IS THAT KID?!?!?"

SO I GOT TO THE HUGE BUTT HILL THAT LED TO MY HOUSE AND I WAS LIKE

"AAAHHHH!!!!" AND RAN UP THE HILL AND JUST KEPT RUNNING AND RUNNING LIKE MY NOSE WHEN THAT GUY JUST SUCKER PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE FOR ABSOLUTELY NO REASON

RUNNING BLOOD THAT IS!!!

SO ANYWAY, I GOT TO MY HOUSE, RAN TO THE FRONT DOOR AND IT WAS LOCKED!!!!!!!!!! AND I WAS LIKE

"OH MY GOD!! LET ME IN!!" BUT NOBODY DID SO I RAN AROUND AND AROUND MY HOUSE UNTIL I DIED!!!

I mean wouldn't that be the silliest story?

NO, because I died at the end and that's not silly at all. It's very serious

Evil Lord of Ironic Punishments, Deathman

Note: When things are written in bold, that means it is said very dramatically and with thunder and junk

Squire: Make way for the Evil Lord of Ironic Punishments, Deathman.

Deathman: I...am Deathman!! And I-

Guy: You suck!

Deathman: What? Who dares slander the name of Death-

Guy: Hey Death Ugly, you're so stupid...and ugly that you and your mom should just...be ugly...

Deathman: How dare you spite the awesome Death Ugly?!

Guy: In fact, you're SO stupid...and fat. That you should just...die! I guess. Yeah, people would be much happier with you dead...and stuff

Deathman: What?!

Guy: Yeah!

Deathman: What?!

Guy: Yeah!

Guy: What?!

Deathman: Yeah!

Deathman: How dare you use the name of Deathman and his mother in vain?! By my mother's fat

Guy: (in the background) Ugly!

Deathman: and ugliness, I shall have my revenge!

Guy: Hey...hey, what do you call two stupid and dumb Deathmans that walk into a bar? ......

Deathman: Your lightning fast wit will be your downfall! Guards! Seize him!

Guy: (in the background) Hey! Stop! What are you doing?! Let go of me! What are you doing with that?! Ah!! AHH!!

Deathman: Now he'll never be able to call someone ugly...

Guy: (in the background) Ahh!!!

Deathman: because I have ironically sewn his mouth shut! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Guy: (muffled) NOOOOO

Post Apocalyptic Cootie Catcher

Choose a # between 1-4

now a # between 1-8

choose another # between 1-12

No peeking...

1.Recession

2.Inflation

3.Obama 4 more years

4. Communistic Takeover

1. Walmart buys Statue of Liberty

2. McDonald's takes over Middle East

3. Diamonds outlawed

4. Medical Science brings back Walt Disney

5. Costco becomes independent nation

6. Last piece of paper becomes national treasure

7. 17th dimension discovered: entirely made of Quarter Pounders

8. Religion Googleology accepts its 15th billionth member

1. McCainbot attempts suicide. Gets death penalty.

"Uuhh...Thanks?" Says McCain

2. Spinning Newspapers enslave human race.

"Meh." Says president

3. Surgeon General repeals cigarette tax.

"Oh sure, smoking is bad, but what's worse for you is...herpes."

4. Every lawyer suddenly dies for some reason.

"What are you gonna do?" Says prez

5. Michael Jackson brought back to life. Dies 3 days later due to lack of pop

and breathable air.

6. Cancer outlawed due to not being nearly enough fun.

7. Wikipedia airs its first TV show.

"They said I was crazy to do this! ..." Says creator, Jimmy Wales.

8. Miley Cyrus and Hannah Montana appear at opposite sides of the same room at the same time.

Quantom Nuclear Fusion disproved.

9. National law passed: all citizens must carry a shotgun at all times or be killed on the spot (unofficial)

"It could be worse...somehow."

10. 2nd Great Depression; former Vice-President, Dick Cheney, introduces oranges as currency.

"I hope that the American people will someday see just how practical and orange this idea is."

11. Nobel Prize winner, Albert Gore, mauled by rabid polar bear on steroids.

"Oh the...irony?"

12. End of Pi found.

"It was actually 3 all along. Go figure."

Disclaimer: This was all originally done by me.

GUESS WHO!?!?! No, that's wrong, you SUCK at guessing

All of you!! Drop and give me ice cream! Ice Cream!! ICE CREAM!!!! Ice cream...!!! Hhh...!!! Ohmygodicecream...!!!!

Yes Ma'am! HERE WE COME, WORLD!! DON'T YOU DARE MOVE AN INCH!!

WOOOOSH!!! Crash crash bang skid skid twist blood blood blood blood blood blood blood ...blood...

............Who was that?

Well alright then, have a safe drive home and watch out for HEAD-EATING BEAR MONKEYS!!!!

They come in packs of 400,000,000!!!!

FOUR HUNDRED MILLION

FOUR HUNDRED MILLION Aw that's a lot

Ok, nobody panic but I just placed a bunch of land mines around the room and I completely forgot where they are

KABLOOOM!!!!!!

Ok, that was my impression of a land mine, NOW IT'S YOUR TURN!!!

And if your acting displeases me, I will push the button that activates all the land mines immediately. *repeatedly pushing button*

OMG OMG

7/8/09!!!

That's just wicked!!!

Let's have a big cheer for another coincidental date that has a little bit of significance!

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

New! Spunketatanium! Makes botox a thing of the past! Now with extra spunk!

Doom: So you have finally realized the truth, my son.

Eon: No, it can't be!!

Doom: (takes off mask)

Eon: Impossible!! My father was killed in a lab accident! The ogre demon of the universe devil satan can't be my father!! (fire explodes behind him)

Doom: Probably not then.

Eon: Damn your tricks, old man!! You will not stand against my sonic thrusting punch fist!!!

Doom: You underestimate your father!!maybe

Eon: EEEEAAAAGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!

Doom: Your lackluster punching fist shall be your end!!!!

X: Hold it right there, Doom!

Doom: WHAT?

Eon: Agent Triple X Explosion!!

Doom: No!! You're back after all those devilish trials of squeamish terror!!

X: Yes, and I'm here to say that I am your true father, Eon!!

Eon: What...?!

X: Never mind, because I'm actually (takes off mask) Doom!!! Your father!!!possibly

Me: (watching TV, pulls grenade cord with teeth)

Sims 3

Yay! I finally got Sims 3!!

DA DA DA DA

You gained 1 handiness point! Hooray for trial and error!

DA DA DA DA

You tinkered with your shower! It's broken now since you...freaking tinkered with your shower! Who told you to do that?! You know, if this was the real world, and you had one handiness point and freaking messed with your shower for no reason, it would break, and cost you a bucketload of money because you're a freaking idiot for messing with your shower that wasn't even broken in the first place!

GOD

Matrix

Speaker: Drive through please...Hi, welcome to McDonold's, can I help you?

Neo: Yeah, I'll have a quarter pounder and- Ah!

Bane: (sitting in the passenger's seat) Hello, Mr. Anderson...

Neo: Who are you?

Bane: You don't recognize me, Mr. Anderson? No...of course not. How can you behind this rotting meat sack, anything this weak doesn't deserve to survive. (spits) It's disgusting.

Neo: What do you want?

Bane: I want what you want...

Neo: ............Ok, make that two

Speaker: Thank you sir, drive through to the next window please