Barrowsin Barrows presents...

Suckling Luau Pig VS Used Cigarettes

Cig: Hey, you suck

Cig #2: Oohh, burned!

Pig: Hey, don't be a butt!

And that's all I have

Barrowsin Barrows presents...

5 Russian Elvis impersonators wearing itchy clothing

Me: Good evening, how can I help you?

Elvis: A bottle of smirnoff, oo! Ah! Thank you very much

Elvis #2: This cardigan is killing me,   Uh-huh-huh, uh-huh-huh.

Elvis #3:  Well since my baby left me

Elvis #4: 


I'm sorry, Barrowsin Barrows has retracted this presentation. Instead, here is a picture of a potato.

Slightly Incoherent Man is Slightly Incoherent

Me: Hey, I'm here to pick up my silverware...

Sim: Curtainly! I'll just need to seep a receipt. Will there be anything elk?

Me: ...What?

Sim: Well basil clay, there might be curtain fines that go along with your bill. But they'll be fine like sand of coarse, like gravel

Me: ...

Sim: Oh, look at me talking for no raisin. Sorry a bout of screaming.

Me: A bout of screaming?

Sim: TALK ABOUT THE CURRENT STATE OF THE WORLD ECONOMY!! IT'S SADDENING TO SEE PEOPLE TREAT THEIR FELLOW MAN THIS WAY FOR NO RAISINS!!!!

Me: ...

Sim: Beg your pardon, but I might or might not be bedazzled at the moment.

Me: ...

Sim: I admin, you could Polish silverware a bit better with just the right a mountain of clorox beach. But if you are just in the mood for a paltry dusting, then what you paid for was right on the money.

Me: Wait, that last sentence made complete sense.

Sim: *screeches like a bird and jumps out the window*

Me: ...Oh wait, I don't own any silverware

Kidney stones, the musical

Oh, wondrous kidney, how you gloriously pipe waste without a bit of mind to dirt or dismay, and


AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHOHMYGODAAAHHHHHHHHTHISISTHEMOSTUNGODLYPAINAHHAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOHHHHGODPLEASE

Curtain

If the US invades Canada...

US: Hey!

Canada: Oh hey, eh?

US: *slap* Give us all your fuel and democracy, we're running low on both.

Can: Oh, well OK. That's not anything to fuss aboot. Oh wait, do we still have free health care, eh?

UNITED STATES: No.

Canad: Oh oolright, Sorry about the imposition.

UNITED STATES!!: Give me all your plaid and mooses too.

Carn: Oh can't we have a little plaid?

F Political Correctness!! It's called AMERICA DAMMIT: No, it's all ours. And the syrup, and all the geese. We're renaming them.

Corn: So not Canadian geese anymore?

Chuck Norris Walmartland: No, we're calling them America's Hat juicy pigeonbirds

Bieber Country: Well OK, thanks for running that by us before you went along and did it, eh?

USA USA: Shut up and get back on my head.

June 8th is Name your own poison day!

Love the sound of that already.

Cellphone radiation

Food

Hemlock

Human Choice

High Fructose Corn Syrup

Acedia

Black and White film

Human emotion

Being Mortal

http://www.numberwatch.co.uk/cancer%20list.htm

OK, go to that website, I pissed my mom off so much when I told her that Chinese herbs caused cancer! Then I read the rest of the list and realized it was a joke. DUHH

Summaries!: The Book, the News Article

The author engages in some descriptions. It's cold outside and everything's brown. The reader does not understand yet what that means. Later on, it is a metaphor for the melancholy of social transport apparatuses. The main character dies.

THAT IS A SHAMELESS LIE

In that, it has no shame, in that it is true, in that, lying make my back feel good

Susie

Susie: Oh mother, you won't believe what happened today!

Mom: No, I won't. Also, I'm not your mother.

Susie: ...Oh.

Susie!

This post is full of fun!

Barrels and barrels...!

I also lie a lot